I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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