Too much gin, very little bucket
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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