I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize