Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How's work?
Spinning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
