What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
