three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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