It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
