home. puking in laundry basket.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
