Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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