I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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