I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
