The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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