You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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