I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
