ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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