she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
