Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
