So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
