You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
