Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
