Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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