my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I could have mohawked her pubes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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