the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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