Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
