Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
