my vag is so smooth its legendary
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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