She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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