at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
