you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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