Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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