the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
