yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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