He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize