There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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