Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i have two assholes
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize