I looked at my own cervix.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
