did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just invented taco cereal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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