Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize