oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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