I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
