508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
