we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
