Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
