the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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