YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
