upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
