I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
