I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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