im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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