Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
even my farts smell like vagina
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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