maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
