well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
