Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
