is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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