SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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