SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
