He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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