Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
