if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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