If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
