She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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