In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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