Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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