My underwear smells like fireworks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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