So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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