Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
